my first bad day

well, not too much has changed in my life since the last time that i wrote...but really, how much changes in three days? on monday, i started my spanish lessons, overall it went well. i still can listen to spanish very quickly, its talking that is the problem. i am quickly finding that my problem with pushing the words from my head to my mouth and out into the air is only worse in spanish than it is in english. anyone who knows me knows that i kind of talk in circles, and i cant do that in spanish, because i dont have all the words to do it, so it is hard for me to communicate. on the same hand, i am finding that i dont feel as smart as i usually do. not to be boastful or anything, but i consider myself to be reasonably intelligent, but when i have 1/4 the vocabulary than i am used to having...i dont feel so smart, you know? also, it is hard to be myself when i dont have all the words to say. i am finding, however, that i am a bit nicer because i dont know how to bitch at people in spanish, so i guess that is a good thing.

monday was a good day...it was tuesday when the problems came. my hormones are a bit out of whack, if you catch my drift, and i was feeling a bit nuvaring-esqe. so anyhow, we were at this rally for children´s rights, which was really cool to see. children dont have rights here like they do in the states, there are no laws about caring for your kids, not abusing them, minimum health requirements, or anything like that. so it was a rally for kids, not really their adults. the point was to teach the kids what rights they deserve...we learned that in every grade here, they have classes about their rights and about how their parents should be treating them. i think it is sort of like a life-skillsor self esteem class. anyhow, there were tons of schools at this one rally, and it was our assignment to go around and interview people from the organization that was having the rally and the teachers that were there with their students. it was fun, and i got really into it because childrens rights are kind of my thing, you know.

the part that was hard for me, or course, was talking to the kids. then, of course, i started to get down on myself, that i was not doing a good job intergrating into my community here if i could not go around and talk with the kids (i am in the youth and families program afterall). on top of that, there is this volunteer in my group, and he is really good with kids, and just with people in general. everywhere we go, people know his name and he meets new people and everything. well, that kind of stuff is hard for me in english, you know, so it is only harder in spanish. anyhow, the director of the organization invited us (from PC) up to sign the banner. well, we signed it and made a little PC symbol by our names. then i started to freak out more becuase the PC staff keeps telling us that we are not supposed to put the symbol anywhere. THEN, our language facilitator (teacher) told us that we were supposed to sign the banner and say something, like "thank you." duh, obviously...but all of us were so nervous and excited that we didnt, and so he kind of got down on us a bit about it.

and so, the tears began! what is my problem sometimes?... i am so sensitive! its not like i was sobbing or anything, but you know, tears, whatever...im sensitive, so sue me. so then we go to open our bank accounts and confess our wrong doing about the symbol, and we were told that it was no big deal at all! all that worry for nothing! but still, i was just a bit upset. i guess because my teacher kept making these small comments about being a "good volunteer" means this, and that, and that you are constantly surrounded by people from your town and whatever. well, clearly i am not a good volunteer then, right?....and so more tears. i think (i hope) that he was semi-kidding...i mean, they cant really expect us to know everyone and everything after just what...3 days of being here in town! ahhhh! but then i ate some fried shirp and i felt better.

so all i wanted to do was sit in my room, listen to a cd, and journal angry thoughts. but nooooo, we had homework to get together as a group and review notes about the rally to write a report for the next day. so off i went to the soccer field to meet my group. good thing i did! there were tons of kids there, and they all wanted to play with us, and i think that without the pressure of anyone watching and evaluating me, i loosened up and was able to just be myself. we taught them how to play kickball, and it was super fun! the other team had 2 volunteers, but mine just had me, so the kids would come to me to ask questions, or see who´s turn it was to kick or whatever. and my team won! oh yeah! then, the next day (today, wednesday) we saw some of them in the streets and they said hi to me by name! ah, que bien!

so today, our task was to work as a group to make a map of the city. really? a map? i can barely even read a map, let along make one. needless to say there are 4 of us plus our teacher, so 5 ideas on what to do and how to do it. i doubt i need to spell it out for you how that went and how my attitude was about it. arrrrrggggg! and the map is still not done! entonces, more homework to do as a group. dont get me wrong, i like my group, really i do. its just hard to do work all together because it is just our luck that we have 4 totally different learning styles. i thought that as a group that would be good, because we could play off of eachothers´strengths and weaknesses, but it didnt work out quite that well. on top of that with my hormones as they are and the weather as it was today (very warm!) i am incredibly tired today. after classes, i took a little nap, and then i came down here to the internet cafe to tell you all about it. y ahora, que mas? i am going to the panderia (bread/bakery shop) to get some pan (bread) and then i think i will go back out to the soccer fields and see what the kids are up to.

oh! very important, today we had an interview with our program director and the current volunteer assistants. that went really well (i think...i hope...). they asked about why i joined PC, my previous work experience, what kind of program i want to work in, all that kind of stuff. it was in english (!) so i could really speak about my experience and all that kind of stuff. i told them that i am most interested in children´s rights, children with special needs, and migration...especially the migration project and how it relates to kids. i told them also that i would like to work with an organization and help them assess their needs and develop programming to meet them. i think it went well because i do have a lot of social-worky experience, and that is kind of exactly what they are looking for. they seemed glad, also, that i am pretty open on what i want to do and totally open on where i live. i told them straight up that i care more about my job than i do about the region that i live in. and, that i am here to work, that i understand the concept of doing this for the people you serve and not for yourself, all that kind of stuff. so, i think we will have more interviews with them in the future as well, and it is really important because my future is in their hands!

well my friends, i hope you all are well! and just remember, if you are having a bad day, listen to one of becky´s mixed cds. if you dont have some, get some.

peace,
theresa