Reconnect-Induced Disconnect

(More than one post in a month?! Send me some cookies, cuz I deserve a prize!!)

It made me feel like the girlfriend that goes away for a trip with her girls without her boyfriend. She spends the whole trip talking about how much she loves her boyfriend, how great he is, how much she misses him when she is gone. Then she comes back home and finds that her boyfriend is still there, but that he did not spend the whole week talking about how great she was. In fact, a neighbor girl moved in next door, and he spent the week chatting with her. And shes sitting on their couch when the girlfriend comes home, eating all their food and practically making out with the guy!

Alright, I am being dramatic, I know, but thats how I felt.

Reconnect is a mandatory (unless you are out of the country, have unbreakable work committments or are in a city who's roads are too flooded for you to leave) conference for Peace Corps Volunteers. Our Reconnect was originally scheduled for January, but it was cancelled because Admin feared that some relatively nearby volcano might erupt (pfft!) and we would all die from inhaling ash or something. So it was rescheduled for last week, which happened to be the WORST week of rain that the country has had in a several years (we made CNN news and the President declared it a national emergency or something). I got lucky, my bus-ride only took 2 hours more than normal (10 hours rather than 8), but most people's rides were increased by 4 hours at least. One girl's bus fell into a ditch, then the new bus got stopped by two separate avalanches. Her ride was about 18 hours instead of 10, so I have no cause to complain.

Counterparts are supposed to come to Reconnect. Mine cancelled on me at the last minute...I dont blame her, she got a really great new job and needed to do some tax updating something business. Also, as soon as she was wavering about coming I told her that it was totally up to her, and that I was neither here nor there about her coming and would totally understand if she couldnt make it. Really, I regretted not asking one of the Mujeres to come with me, but it was too late to change that now. I decided that I would go to the conference alone, learn about project planning, budgeting and grant writing, and come back and share that with the Mujeres. I also had to give a presentation on the work I was doing, and of course everyone in my group was super impressed with the Mujeres and their programs, and I basically gushed about them like a proud grandmother (which makes no sense, since they are all old enough to be MY mother...). Some of my fellow volunteers talked about difficulties intergrating into their communities, about their counterparts not being open to their ideas, not appreciating the work they are trying to do. I feel the same way about my official counterpart agency much of the time, but I felt (feel) lucky to be able to work with the Mujeres, who accept me as one of their own, are always excited about my ideas and are constantly praising me for the work I do with them. I was that girl: the gushing girlfriend on a weekend trip with her girls, talking about how her boyfriend is so wonderful and never does anything wrong.

Then I got home and there was a new girl in town. Let me back up....The week before I left my counterpart agency received a new volunteer. They consistantly have a volunteer at the organization who is there to teach english, dance, theater, etc. in the barrios. When the guy from the office first brought her out, I could tell that the Mujeres were being a little stand-offish with her. The thing is that they dont really trust the guy who brought her out to meet them, he has the tendency to make lots of open promises and is "puro blah blah blah" as we say. So I decided that I would bring her back out to the barrio to meet with the Mujeres and speak for herself on what she wants to do with the community (especially important because some of the things that the other guy originally told them she would do were part of his blahblahblah, and not actually true). So I did. Then she hung out with me in the lunch program and chatted with the Mujeres and other members of the community that came in and out during the day.

Okay...so then I left and went to the conference and came back. It was Monday, so I got to lunch late because I meet with the sewing group in a different barrio on Monday AMs. I walk in and the ladies are like "Theresa! Welcome back!" and then SHE'S there. Just sitting there eating lunch like she runs the place. What is she doing here?? Then I realize that she has class there on Monday AMs, and I try to stop being the jealous girlfriend and settle down a little. Well, they didnt make it easy on me. Here I am, fresh from a week of gushing about the work they are doing and building up ideas on things I can do to help them more, and they are just RAVING over this chick! Oh, she speaks 5 languages! Oh, she has dreadlocks! Oh, there are SO MANY kids signed up for her classes! Oh, shes such a gringa with her blue eyes and white person dreadlocks! Oh she said the funniest thing earlier today! Oh, isnt she lovely, isnt she grand??

My response was to ignore the comments and make myself look busy. Which wasnt hard, I had things to do because we had a visit from the Consulate's office and the InterAmerican Foundation (who provided the start up funding for the Mujeres' programs) the next day. I was an intergral part of the planning for this day. I was important. At least thats the mantra that I was giving myself. She (the other volunteer) had another class in the afternoon. She had all the kids outside playing a bunch of fun games that were meant to help them be less shy, because its a theater class (with english, of course). The gushing continued as the class went on, I tried not to look jealous. After class is over I take the bus back with her into downtown because she's not allowed to ride on her own yet. As we are waiting for the bus, shes all "Oh Theresa, that was so fun! But so many students! I dont know that I can handle so many students!" And I am like "Dont worry, I am sure that it will taper off with time, thats what always happens with my classes." And shes all, "Did it look like they were having fun? Oh I hope they liked the games!" And I am thinking, yeah yeah, chick, looked like a great time...Whatever! My classes are fun, too! And shes like, "Could you tell I was nervous?? I was SO nervous! I am only just now learning to speak in Spanish, and English isnt my first language either, so its hard to be teaching that." And I am thinking that maybe this girl likes to put salt in my wounds. Maybe she likes to rub it in that I WORKED since the day I got here to be part of the Mujeres, to be one of their own. Maybe she likes to rub it in that I have been learning Spanish since the 7th grade, shes been learning it since 2 months ago, and we are practically at the same level. Maybe she would like to ask me again about the Mujeres de Lucha tshirt that the president said she should have. Maybe she wants me to cry. Or kick her.

Then I actually look at the girl and realize that shes being totally sincere. She came here for the same reason that I did: she wants to be part of a community here and make a difference. I console myself with the possibility that the Mujeres are so open to her because I brought her back with me; I showed them that she was with me and then therefore they found it easier to trust her. And this visit the next day is really important, and they want us to look like a team, and thats why they want her to have a tshirt. And I think that maybe I should stop being a whiney baby about it and just be happy that theres someone else out there that wants to help with Mujeres. Afterall, this is about them and not me, right?

So the next day comes, she comes later and I dont mind because I know that I have a role and that even if she's there, I am still one of the Mujeres. The visit goes well-- all the Mujeres threw in a hand to make encocada de pollo y pescado (coconut flavored chicken and fish), I raced with two of them to the store to buy forks and knives because we didnt have any (most people in Ecuador just eat with spoons, but they thought we should have forks and knives because these were special people from the Consulate and the InterAmerican Foundation. I thought it was silly, but whatever). During lunch, the ladies chatted with our visitors, showed off the improvements we have made since the last visit, and talked about the work that is yet to be done. One of the kids started acting out during lunch (the kid that spit on me back at the Christmas party), and I got her to calm down because we are building a relationship where I am nice to her and she doesnt spit on me or hit me. I got invited to a reception at the Consulate's house, and in the taxi home the lady from InterAmerica that works with the Mujeres told me how highly they spoke of me when she visited while I was gone for the week. She said they were so excited to explain that they work with a gringa who looks just like them but is still really a gringa, who could imagine such a thing?? Then today I went back out and we made some plans about things we can do to get people to "adopt" kids for the lunch program, solicit food donations, grants for various materials we need, and foster the relationship that we have built with the Consulates office. They told me that they are so glad that I am here, because they know what they want but not always how to get it and I always have great ideas to give them. And my heart smiled.

During Reconnect, we talked about how we volunteers sometimes get jealous of good work that other volunteers are doing, because we are human and we compare ourselves to them. One of my fellow Omnibus members said that its way more productive for us to congratulate each other, and be happy about the good work that others are doing in their communities. Thats a lovely idea in theory, but I come from a lifelong pursuit of betterness where I constantly compare myself to others. Its really yucky, I know it is bad, and I am trying to break myself of it. The new volunteer is not "the other woman" she's "another woman." Another woman who just wants to help. So let it be.

Con Paz,
Theresa