Woman Worry

If pregnancy were contagious, I would be so knocked up right now.

In my barrio there are five women I know of who are currently with child. Two are mothers whose kids eat in the Comedor. I was shocked when I saw the belly of one lady as she walked into the store the other day. I kid you not I see this woman nearly every single day and I never noticed that she was pregnant. I asked her how far along she was and she said 4 months; and she looks it too. I guess I just never paid close enough attention? Another came into the Comedor the other day after not coming for the past few weeks. I was worried that she just didn’t want her kids to eat there anymore, and I was worried about what the reason for that might be (I worry a lot, if you haven’t noticed). But when I saw her she was all smiles, literally glowing. I asked how she was, asked if she had been sick. No, she said, I am pregnant! I was so happy for her, I mean, granted she has two small children already, but she looked so happy it was hard not to reflect that back at her. And how refreshing to hear pregnancy not referred to as an illness!

Another of the pregnant woman is one of the Mujeres. She hadn’t been into work for a while and I asked where she was. She’s pregnant! I was told, Didn’t you know?? Well, no, obviously not. Apparently I am not all that good at spotting a pregnant woman when I see one. I joked that she should name her child after me, because she told me that her husband really likes the scented lotion that I gave her when I came back from the States…who knows what that led to? One of the Mujeres agreed that the lotion works wonders: she said that whenever she fights with her husband she puts the lotion on before she goes to bed. Then when he comes in to lie down he smells her and will try to cuddle her, try to be affectionate. Then she brushes him off and glows in the power that the lotion has given her. Another girl further agreed, however she believes that one of her cousins stole her lotion because it smelled so good and the cousin was jealous. Another girl used all her lotion up in a matter of weeks, she was putting it on several times daily. She said she tried to make it last, but she just liked how it smelled so much she couldn’t stop! Ha! So word to the wise, before coming to Ecuador, buy several bottles of variously scented Bath and Body Works lotion and distribute it in the country. You will make friends quickly.

Another one of the Mujeres is also pregnant. Well, everyone else thinks she’s pregnant, but she is trying really hard to deny it. She doesn’t keep track of her period, so when I ask her when the last time she had it the answer one day will be a month ago, the next day she claims it has only been 2 weeks. We all think she had a miscarriage a few months ago as well, which makes me even more worried that she is pregnant because I don’t think it is safe to be pregnant again so soon after a miscarriage. But she claims that the doctor said she was not pregnant before and that it was not a miscarriage; she swears it was just a very heavy period. Hmm…I worry about these things.

A 14-year-old girl that I completely adore is also probably pregnant. She used to eat in the Comedor and would sometimes come in early and help with last minute cooking, setting up and serving food. She is totally amazing, I seriously love this kid. She is so kind and so… so… so fragile. She has a sad story—since she was about 9-years-old she has been repeatedly raped by the same man, a member of her family. She came to us for help, but she was too terrified to file a denuncia (a formal legal complaint) against the man, because then all the neighbors would find out and they would probably be kicked out of their house because they live with his family. So when she had not come into lunch, I was very worried that something happened to her. But then I was told that she was getting married, living with her fiancé’s family and, for that reason, would no longer be considered a child for the program. No longer a child? Getting married? And then…Oh also, she’s pregnant. She’s WHAT?!?! Terror. I was terrified. Pregnant with whose child? I was too scared to even ask.

I finally saw her the other day. I walked in and she was standing in the office, looking for the original of her birth certificate that her mom had left with us to make a copy of. She needed the certificate to get married. Married. My whole face lit up when I saw her. I yelled out her name and hugged her full in my arms, told her I heard she was getting married, swallowed my doubt and congratulated her. One of the Mujeres asked if it was her decision or her parents’ for her to marry. I already knew the answer. Her mom was in the Comedor the other day, saying that she’s not sure about the marriage, but its what her daughter wants so she supports it. I had also been told that when the fiancé went to ask for her hand he told the grandfather about the rapes, said that he could not stand for her to live in that house any longer, and that despite all the ugly this young lady has been through, he loves her and wants to be with her, to take care of her. She told me her fiancé is about 20 years old, maybe 21. Oh, worry.

I asked her if she was pregnant. She barely looked up from what she was doing, shook her head and said No. Really? I pressed, Because I heard that you were, I was going to congratulate you. No, she says, I don’t think I am. Oh, I said, Well I was looking for information for you on this law that says you can get all of the medical care for your pregnancy for free through the birth, but since you are not pregnant I guess I will stop looking. Did you know about that law? No…she says, Maybe you can get me that information? I smile. Another one of the Mujeres says, So you are then, hmm? Well, she blushes, Maybe. I ask when her last period was (in case you were wondering, yes, this is a very personal question here in Ecuador, just as it is in the States, probably even more so. But I get away with a lot of things because I am a gringa, and you know, those gringas are so weird! And besides, I don’t think that the ability to make life is anything to be ashamed of, or anything to be talked about behind closed doors only, so I am very open and up front about menstruation questions, and people around me just get used to the fact that this is how Tere is). Its been a month. A month. Oh, worry worry worry. Worry about why she really wants to get married. Worried about if it will work. Worried about if he’s a nice young man. Worried about my never seeing her again. Worried she thinks its an empty EcuaStatement when I tell her to come by and visit us and help us in the Comedor whenever she wants. Worried about her tiny little body with a tiny little life growing inside of it. Worried.