Im Tired of the Beach (And a story about lesson learned)

(I wish to inform you that this post demonstrates an excessive use of paranthesis. I appologize in advance...hahaha. I am so full of tangents.)

I know, I am totally spoiled. Seeing as how my homestate of Wisconsin got stomped with snow this summer while I sweated away in 80-plus degree heat everyday, you would think that I would aknowledge how lucky I am that I am going to the beach this weekend for the third weekend in a row. The other day I was hanging out with one of the Mujeres and she was looking through my digital camera at the pictures. She kept asking: Whats this? Where are you here? Whos that person? She, in general, asks a lot of questions. So I'm telling her about the various places I am in my camera: Thats my first apartment in Guayaquil. Thats me with my host family in Tabacundo. Thats on the drive between Guayaquil and Quito, Riobamba maybe? Thats a waterfall in Zaruma. Those are my friends in churches in Cuenca on the Day of the Dead. She marvelled at my photos (none of which are all thaaaat interesting. You can see them for yourself on my photosite) and she said, You know more parts of Ecuador than I do. I asked if she had ever been to Cuenca, or Quito and other parts of the Sierra. She said, No, she has only been here in Guayaquil and to the beaches around Guayaquil.

I journaled about this last night. I dont know if this is a middle class American thing, but I feel like one should try to get to know the country that they live in. Then I thought about my clients back home, the vast majority of whom are low income Americans, and I guess that they dont spend their money on travel either. But then I thought that they also dont have cars, and at least to the extent that I understand it (again as a middle class American), public transportation around the United States is more expensive (relatively speaking) than it is in Ecuador. Or maybe I'm wrong and blinded by my middle classness, which is totally possibe. Either way, this conversation got me thinking: is it better for me to take advantage of the fact that I CAN travel around Ecuador? Or is it better for me to do as the Peace Corps credo says and "live at the level of those that I serve"? Well, what it comes down to is that I am not living at the level of those I serve. My living allowance, travel allowance and rent allowance amounts to WAY more money than folks in Calle 8 are pulling in on a monthly basis. So I decided that suffering is not noble (although sometimes I tell myself that it is), and that I should take advantage of being able to get out and see this beautiful country while I have it so easily at my fingertips.

That said, I am totally sick of the beach. About three weeks ago I was informed by the prometora from Calle 8 that they were "wondering where I was" at the meeting at my counterpart agency. I found that odd since it had been several weeks since I had gone to a meeting (because basically the meetings make my head hurt. And they make me go downtown which means that I HAVE to buy an empanada and a cola and that costs money and calories...). Besides that, I see my counterpart person twice a week for meetings with the jovenes, and she never said anything. Anyhow, I find out that I was wanted at the meeting so that I could assit with a trip to the beach with the jovenes that have been participating in the HIV AIDS Project (thats the project that I am actually assigned to work with but I kinda avoid because I avoid all things related to the office....). So I go to the next meeting and theyre like, Yeah, we'd like you to plan some dinamicas (which are interactive learning activities) on teamwork and communication. Perfecto! I think, because I have been planning charlas on that theme for the Mujeres. I told them I would get to work on a list for the next meeting. I show up at the next meeting with my list but, of course, the meeting doesnt happen (have I mentioned that I HATE all things related to the office??). So I show up to the next-next meeting and we do some of the dinamicas--they were basic summer camp stuff like the human knot and trust falls and stuff like that.

Never was I actually invited to the trip, it was just expected that I was coming. In fact, I mentined to my counterpart person that I might be late to catch the bus to leave and she said they would just leave without me. And I was like, Well, if that happens who will do the dinamicas? We'll do them ourselves, she replied. Have I mentioned that I HATE all things related to the office?? ...I dont mean that, I dont really hate her...its just nice to feel wanted, you know. The kid that sat next to me on the bus to the beach made a big show of sighing at how she HAD to sit next to me--I guess I'm not a very exciting busride partner. I see where she was coming from, seeing as how I didnt really feel welcomed to the trip (yet somehow still obligated to attend), I was not all that enthusiastic about going. And I read on buses. Weird! Reading for fun!

So we get to the beach (in a town called Playas, which means "beaches"...creative name, eh?) and I decide to improve my attitude because I might as well enjoy myself. My frustration with the plan for the trip really never ended, however, because it turned out that I was in charge of keeping the kids excited and animated, being called on for wake-you-up dinamicas at random times (most of the time I responded with, Ummm...let me think. Followed by doing nothing...), and two hours of activities on the beach. Well, thanks for letting me know. Everything went fine, though. I mean, the kids were teenagers, so I am not going to fault myself if they weren't excited about everything. But the activities went well on the beach, and I was remined again of how lucky I was as a kid to go to camps and stuff like that and learn fun games like trust falls and human knots and such. And after a serious talk and some serious videos about people living with AIDS in Africa, all the kids were pretty down. I lightened up the mood with a game of ¿Quieres tener sexo conmigo? (Do you want to have sex with me?) which is played like "Honey I love you would you please please smile?" where the person has to respond to the question without laughing. Everyone seemed to really enjoy it, and I was happy to help. Not once did anyone, however, ever say thank you.

Second weekend at the beach was last weekend. I went with some girlfriends to Montañita. Yeahhh....the hippy gringo beach. It was a good time, we dont need to talk about it. By the time I got back home I was totally beached out and had sand in all my pockets and between my toes. I was happy to shower and do laundry and not think about going to the beach for a while.

Then I was informed that the office was "wondering where I was" at another meeting. Damnit! Turns out theres another trip to the beach this weekend! This time, however, I was actually asked to come, in that it was actually aknowledged that my help the last time was a good thing and they would like me to be there again this time. And my counterpart person actually said, "Well, if you dont come, who will do the dinamicas?" And I thought to myself, hmmm, that sounds familiar...So back to the beach I go. The theme this weekend is the media. I dont really know where we are going with that but I am interested to see where it takes us. In my opinion, the media here seems to be more interested in The 3 D's: Death and Double D boobs. Front page news almost always includes a picture of a bloodly corpse and a half naked lady. I am interested in what will be said over the weekend, because I have heard that people here dont find it at all strange, gross or disrespectful. Hopefully my bus partner this time will be more enthusiastic to share a seat with me, hopefully I will mirror this sentiment. Although probably not because we have to leave downtown at 6am....yeah, I'm NOT a morning person.

..................................

In other news, things out in the barrio have been good. I want to tell you a little story about what happened at a charla today.

I am giving a 6 week series of charlas on Communication and Self Esteem to the Mujeres de Lucha. We started two weeks ago, took last week off because it was Holy Week, and had the second charla today.

This week's theme was Group Communication and Teamwork. We did an activity that demonstrated how multifaceted groups (like the Mujeres who work in three different areas, but still have one unified goal) can be especially difficult because members get focused on their area and ignore whats going on in the other areas. Then we discussed why, in general, it can be hard to work as part of a team (like everyone is different and has their own ideas on the best way of going about things, sometimes not everyone is motivated to work, etc.), and discussed why its important to acknowledge both postive and negative sides of group work. And that doing this does not mean that you are being a negative-minded person. We discussed how in communicating with other team members you must do so in the manner that works best for them, not just what works for you (you know "meet em where they're at" kind of thing). Then we did an activity to demonstrate why when working as a team its necessary to plan well and involve all members in the plan and discussion.

Then one of the Mujeres asked of what one should do when they have a conflict with another person in the group? So we talked about how in conflict resolution with team members you should speak directly and clearly with the person that you have a problem with (rather than complaining to all the other members of the group), but do so in a way that makes it clear that its not the PERSON that is the problem, rather the actions of that person. Then she asked what if someone has a problem with me, but they go around and tell everyone else and not me, what should I do? (by the way, yes: this is directly related to an ongoing problem between two members of the group. My goal for my two years is to get these two members to sit down ant talk to eachother) So we talked about "treating others the way you want to be treated" ie if you want them to talk directly with you, then you should demonstrate this by talking directly with them. What if I already did that? Well, change takes time so keep doing it. Then we talked about ways that we can improve communication within the Mujeres de Lucha. We ended with each person making a promise to help someone else in their work area (for instance, the person who cooks in the lunch program promised that she would spend time helping in the store when it got busy), and agreed that we would do these things in the next 7 days and check progress at next week's charla.

So after this wonderful lemon-scented charla on communication, it came up that the Mujeres really enjoy doing charlas with me because they are fun and interactive yet they also feel like theyre getting something out of it. Although I am not from the barrio--I am an outsider coming in to help--they feel like they can trust me and talk openly with me about whatever is going on. They dont, however, feel this way about another "outsider" who assists them and is also currently giving charlas to them (although they do acknowledge that her help is really good and totally necessary to the progress of the group). I was so excited (and no, not just because I am selfish and glad that they like my charlas) because I saw this as the perfect opportunity to demonstrate what we just learned. I asked what could be done to communicate this to the other person? If the charlas with her arent speaking to them, they should explain this (like we agreed, conflicts with group members are best addressed when taken on clearly and directly). "Oh, no, Tere, we cant do that! That would hurt her feelings." We talked this one out for quite some time, I held my ground that the best approach was to just tell her how they felt; they held their ground that the best way was to suck it up, go to the charlas and try to like it.

So I guess with that my own lesson was staring me right back in the face. Change takes time, so keep trying.

Hasta luego my friends!
Theresa

New Thoughts and New Pictures...

But all I have to share at this time are the pictures. Ive spent the last several hours (and SEVERAL dollars) uploading new pictures to my Shutterfly account. Just so that you can look at them! (well, that and so that i can safely delete them from my camera, but yeah, its all about YOU baby!).

There are pictures of work that I am doing out in the barrio: picutres of the Mujeres de Lucha, Art Class with the kids, Kids eating in the Lunch Program, etc. Check em out because they are super cute and super fun!

Okay, promise my thoughts will be coming soon...like, maybe tomorrow because I dont have to work.

Besos,
Theresa

Reconnect-Induced Disconnect

(More than one post in a month?! Send me some cookies, cuz I deserve a prize!!)

It made me feel like the girlfriend that goes away for a trip with her girls without her boyfriend. She spends the whole trip talking about how much she loves her boyfriend, how great he is, how much she misses him when she is gone. Then she comes back home and finds that her boyfriend is still there, but that he did not spend the whole week talking about how great she was. In fact, a neighbor girl moved in next door, and he spent the week chatting with her. And shes sitting on their couch when the girlfriend comes home, eating all their food and practically making out with the guy!

Alright, I am being dramatic, I know, but thats how I felt.

Reconnect is a mandatory (unless you are out of the country, have unbreakable work committments or are in a city who's roads are too flooded for you to leave) conference for Peace Corps Volunteers. Our Reconnect was originally scheduled for January, but it was cancelled because Admin feared that some relatively nearby volcano might erupt (pfft!) and we would all die from inhaling ash or something. So it was rescheduled for last week, which happened to be the WORST week of rain that the country has had in a several years (we made CNN news and the President declared it a national emergency or something). I got lucky, my bus-ride only took 2 hours more than normal (10 hours rather than 8), but most people's rides were increased by 4 hours at least. One girl's bus fell into a ditch, then the new bus got stopped by two separate avalanches. Her ride was about 18 hours instead of 10, so I have no cause to complain.

Counterparts are supposed to come to Reconnect. Mine cancelled on me at the last minute...I dont blame her, she got a really great new job and needed to do some tax updating something business. Also, as soon as she was wavering about coming I told her that it was totally up to her, and that I was neither here nor there about her coming and would totally understand if she couldnt make it. Really, I regretted not asking one of the Mujeres to come with me, but it was too late to change that now. I decided that I would go to the conference alone, learn about project planning, budgeting and grant writing, and come back and share that with the Mujeres. I also had to give a presentation on the work I was doing, and of course everyone in my group was super impressed with the Mujeres and their programs, and I basically gushed about them like a proud grandmother (which makes no sense, since they are all old enough to be MY mother...). Some of my fellow volunteers talked about difficulties intergrating into their communities, about their counterparts not being open to their ideas, not appreciating the work they are trying to do. I feel the same way about my official counterpart agency much of the time, but I felt (feel) lucky to be able to work with the Mujeres, who accept me as one of their own, are always excited about my ideas and are constantly praising me for the work I do with them. I was that girl: the gushing girlfriend on a weekend trip with her girls, talking about how her boyfriend is so wonderful and never does anything wrong.

Then I got home and there was a new girl in town. Let me back up....The week before I left my counterpart agency received a new volunteer. They consistantly have a volunteer at the organization who is there to teach english, dance, theater, etc. in the barrios. When the guy from the office first brought her out, I could tell that the Mujeres were being a little stand-offish with her. The thing is that they dont really trust the guy who brought her out to meet them, he has the tendency to make lots of open promises and is "puro blah blah blah" as we say. So I decided that I would bring her back out to the barrio to meet with the Mujeres and speak for herself on what she wants to do with the community (especially important because some of the things that the other guy originally told them she would do were part of his blahblahblah, and not actually true). So I did. Then she hung out with me in the lunch program and chatted with the Mujeres and other members of the community that came in and out during the day.

Okay...so then I left and went to the conference and came back. It was Monday, so I got to lunch late because I meet with the sewing group in a different barrio on Monday AMs. I walk in and the ladies are like "Theresa! Welcome back!" and then SHE'S there. Just sitting there eating lunch like she runs the place. What is she doing here?? Then I realize that she has class there on Monday AMs, and I try to stop being the jealous girlfriend and settle down a little. Well, they didnt make it easy on me. Here I am, fresh from a week of gushing about the work they are doing and building up ideas on things I can do to help them more, and they are just RAVING over this chick! Oh, she speaks 5 languages! Oh, she has dreadlocks! Oh, there are SO MANY kids signed up for her classes! Oh, shes such a gringa with her blue eyes and white person dreadlocks! Oh she said the funniest thing earlier today! Oh, isnt she lovely, isnt she grand??

My response was to ignore the comments and make myself look busy. Which wasnt hard, I had things to do because we had a visit from the Consulate's office and the InterAmerican Foundation (who provided the start up funding for the Mujeres' programs) the next day. I was an intergral part of the planning for this day. I was important. At least thats the mantra that I was giving myself. She (the other volunteer) had another class in the afternoon. She had all the kids outside playing a bunch of fun games that were meant to help them be less shy, because its a theater class (with english, of course). The gushing continued as the class went on, I tried not to look jealous. After class is over I take the bus back with her into downtown because she's not allowed to ride on her own yet. As we are waiting for the bus, shes all "Oh Theresa, that was so fun! But so many students! I dont know that I can handle so many students!" And I am like "Dont worry, I am sure that it will taper off with time, thats what always happens with my classes." And shes all, "Did it look like they were having fun? Oh I hope they liked the games!" And I am thinking, yeah yeah, chick, looked like a great time...Whatever! My classes are fun, too! And shes like, "Could you tell I was nervous?? I was SO nervous! I am only just now learning to speak in Spanish, and English isnt my first language either, so its hard to be teaching that." And I am thinking that maybe this girl likes to put salt in my wounds. Maybe she likes to rub it in that I WORKED since the day I got here to be part of the Mujeres, to be one of their own. Maybe she likes to rub it in that I have been learning Spanish since the 7th grade, shes been learning it since 2 months ago, and we are practically at the same level. Maybe she would like to ask me again about the Mujeres de Lucha tshirt that the president said she should have. Maybe she wants me to cry. Or kick her.

Then I actually look at the girl and realize that shes being totally sincere. She came here for the same reason that I did: she wants to be part of a community here and make a difference. I console myself with the possibility that the Mujeres are so open to her because I brought her back with me; I showed them that she was with me and then therefore they found it easier to trust her. And this visit the next day is really important, and they want us to look like a team, and thats why they want her to have a tshirt. And I think that maybe I should stop being a whiney baby about it and just be happy that theres someone else out there that wants to help with Mujeres. Afterall, this is about them and not me, right?

So the next day comes, she comes later and I dont mind because I know that I have a role and that even if she's there, I am still one of the Mujeres. The visit goes well-- all the Mujeres threw in a hand to make encocada de pollo y pescado (coconut flavored chicken and fish), I raced with two of them to the store to buy forks and knives because we didnt have any (most people in Ecuador just eat with spoons, but they thought we should have forks and knives because these were special people from the Consulate and the InterAmerican Foundation. I thought it was silly, but whatever). During lunch, the ladies chatted with our visitors, showed off the improvements we have made since the last visit, and talked about the work that is yet to be done. One of the kids started acting out during lunch (the kid that spit on me back at the Christmas party), and I got her to calm down because we are building a relationship where I am nice to her and she doesnt spit on me or hit me. I got invited to a reception at the Consulate's house, and in the taxi home the lady from InterAmerica that works with the Mujeres told me how highly they spoke of me when she visited while I was gone for the week. She said they were so excited to explain that they work with a gringa who looks just like them but is still really a gringa, who could imagine such a thing?? Then today I went back out and we made some plans about things we can do to get people to "adopt" kids for the lunch program, solicit food donations, grants for various materials we need, and foster the relationship that we have built with the Consulates office. They told me that they are so glad that I am here, because they know what they want but not always how to get it and I always have great ideas to give them. And my heart smiled.

During Reconnect, we talked about how we volunteers sometimes get jealous of good work that other volunteers are doing, because we are human and we compare ourselves to them. One of my fellow Omnibus members said that its way more productive for us to congratulate each other, and be happy about the good work that others are doing in their communities. Thats a lovely idea in theory, but I come from a lifelong pursuit of betterness where I constantly compare myself to others. Its really yucky, I know it is bad, and I am trying to break myself of it. The new volunteer is not "the other woman" she's "another woman." Another woman who just wants to help. So let it be.

Con Paz,
Theresa