My trip to (sorta)America

So dont get your undies in a bunch, I didnt actually go to the States without calling you! Whoever you are, know that you mean so very much to me that I will call you when I am at home (and if I actually mean that, then you probably know when I plan to come home to visit. If you dont, perhaps you are some creepy blogstalker, in which case I do not plan to call you but I thank you for reading my blog!).

Carnival is a holiday that comes before Ash Wednesday. During Carnival, it is acceptable to throw water, ink, fish water, cow poop (not kidding) and mud at strangers, friends and family alike. It is also acceptable to climb up to your balcony or rooftop and drop water balloons (filled with your choice of fillings) on unsuspecting passersby below. Thats basically all I know about Carnival. I asked a bunch of locals what the purpose of it was, and no one could tell me. The president of the Mujeres told me that thats the exact reason why she doesnt like the holiday, because its just an excuse for people to act crazy and rude. I think it is the same thing like Mardi Gras, although I never really understood that one either. But at least showing your boobs so that people give you plastic beads is a little less messy (I mean, physically less messy. Sure would mess with your self respect, but thats just my opinion).

So I decided early on that I was not going to participate in Carnival. I dont like getting water thrown on me, I dont care how hot it is outside. I planned to lock myself in my home with lots of popcorn to eat and books to read. When my friend at the US Consulate's office asked what my plans where I told him that exactly. Nada, no tengo planes. So he asked if I would be willing to house- and dog-sit for him while he went to Quito with his family. My response was something along the lines of, "Um....yes, please!" House-sit for a Consulate officer? You better believe they have hot showers, cable tv (heck, ANY tv is better than my non-tv), and a DVD player. I was so in! I went to the Bahia (the black market) and bought 5 bootleg dvds (for $1 each) just for the occasion!

Friday comes and finally its a sunny day. The sun hid behind rainclouds for basically the entire month of January. No sun and lots of rain is bad for doing laundry. The one time that I did do laundry I did it inside, which got my floor all wet. Also, no sun means that it takes more time for my clothes to dry on the line (when its not raining and I can actually put them on the line), or more than 24 hours to dry inside (cuz its raining, again!). So finally a sunny day, I decided to get home early, eat lunch at home and do some laundry! Man, my Fridays are exciting these days, arent they? As I am eating my hotdogs, my friend from the Consulate's office calls and asks what I am up to, and if I am still willing to housesit? I tried not to scream YES too loudly at that, and told him that I was eating lunch and about to do laundry, since it was sunny and all. His response was, "Well, why dont you save that laundry and bring it to our house? We have a washer and dryer. And be sure to save some room because we [he and his wife] are taking you out to dinner." As my PCV friend later said, "You had me at dryer."

So I packed up all my clothes (literally, almost all the clothes that I own here. I seriously didnt do laundry for a month, my clothes were filthy). Then I looked at the pile and debated on if I should really bring everything. I mean, I dont want them to think that I was just bringing all that shit just because they have a washer and dryer and I was trying to take advantage of them or something. Should I bring the underwear? Do they have a maid? Is she gonna try to wash my dirty underwear? I settled on bringing everything, and hoping that there was no maid. I put the underwear in a different bag, just in case. I really dont like other people washing my panties. I picked out 10 dvds that I wanted to watch (why do I even own 10 dvds when I dont have a tv or a dvd player??). Should I bring a book? Will I really read a book when there is cable tv to be watched? Of course I will! I read quite a bit back in the States, I read A TON here, I am a reading machine. Bring the book....and the dvds. This was basically the most exciting packing experience I have ever had. It rivaled packing to come here to Ecuador...because I knew I was packing for a weekend spent in a world unlike the one I presently know.

I headed over to his house. I get there and hung out with him and his wife and their two ADORABLE kids. And their maid. He and his wife were both in the Peace Corps, but not in the same countries--he was in Africa and she was in Eastern Europe. They now both work at the Consulates office; he interviews for visas and stuff, and she is the (self proclaimed) "social chair." She says she does things like welcome new officers and their families, plan holiday parties, etc. She said that her job is alright, but seeing as she has TWO masters degrees (one in weapons of mass destuction ?!), it gets a little boring for her at times. Understandable.

Their house is huge. Well, my mind is warped. Its huge for Ecuador, for the States its like an upper-middle class home. With a maid. And a nanny. And a pool. And a dog with no fleas. All inside a gated community with electric fences, armed guards and private gardens. Lets just say this is not the Ecuador I have come to know and love. I mean, guards with guns? sure. Guards with guns that are not drinking beer? no. Lots of dogs? sure. Lots of dogs with no fleas? unheard-of.

They take me to dinner at Chili's. Yes, my Peace Corps life takes place in a city that has a Chili's resturant. It was totally weird. I mean, I have been to resturants like that a bunch of times since I got here, and its weird everytime. For one thing there is a staff person who's job it is to greet you at the door. And then someone else seats you at a table. And then they bring you a menu, and you didnt even have to ask for it! And then they bring you FREE chips! And then they smile and say, "Of course we can make that" when you order a kiddie cocktail even though its not on the menu. And then when you order, they actually have all the different kinds of food that everyone at the table ordered. It was as if they put things on the menu with the real intention of making them, and then later serving them to the customers! How wild is that?!?! Just to really go out on a limb, I ordered the tuna. Man, am I a risk taker! What kind of Peace Corps Volunteer who eats tuna from a can at least once a week goes out to eat and orders TUNA?!? This kind, cuz I love me some tuna! And it was Grilled Margarita Tuna, I mean, how could I resist??

By the time we head back to their house its nearly 10pm. I am exahusted. All that fine dining and kiddie cocktailing can really take a lot outta a girl! I have to work in the morning (because only the Mujeres de Lucha plan a medical brigade for Carnival weekend, jeez!), and they are gonna be gone by the time I get back. They leave me some instructions for stuff around their house and for the dog. As they are showing me the laundry room and food pantry (yes, food pantry! With FOOD in it! Lots of food!), it hits me that I have no clean underwear for the morning. Crap. It would be totally akward for me to ask if I can toss a load of laundry in right now....and I might be okay with being dirty, but I do NOT wear dirty underwear. Maybe I should wait until they go to sleep? But no, washing machines make noise, they will hear me. I figure I will just pretend like I am going to sleep, wait for them to go upstairs, and then sneak out to the bathroom and wash a pair in the sink.

So thats just what I do. I clean my panties in the sink with the pump handsoap in the bathroom. Then I realize that the panties are wet now, and I know from experience in my own home that they will not be dry by the AM. Dammnit! Now what? Lucky for me, there is an air conditioner in my room. So I crawl up on the big fluffy mattress and hold the panties in front of the A/C. But I cant stand here all night! Maybe I should hang them from the A/C? Is that a fire hazard? Oh God, if I set a fire in this house because I dried my panties on the A/C, they will never invite me back! I do some wave the panties around a bit, rub it against its self, anything to get them to dry faster. Then I hang them from the desk across from the A/C. I crawl into bed, get under the covers (yes! covers! you can sleep with covers when you have an A/C!) and hope that the panties are dry in the morning.

Wake up the next day, and thank God, they are dry: A/C works wonders. I head to the bathroom for a hot (!) shower. The towels they gave me are white. I shower on a regular basis, but I know that I am dirty, I am terrified of dirtying their towels. The heels on my feet are cracked, inside the cracks is permenatly embedded dirt as a result of wearing sandals in the barrio and living in a country with no standards for exhaust from vehicles. But they were in the Peace Corps, right? They will understand if I dirty the towels, right? So I shower, I go to work, come back, walk the dog, and plop in front of the tv. I then proceed to watch about 10 hours straight of Miami Ink, Made and True Life ("True Life: Im an asshole" it should be called, man the people on that show are ANNOYING!). During commercial breaks and when my mind started to get bored, I walked the dog, made dinner, and gave the dog his dinner and medicine. Then I watched 2 dvds. Then I went to sleep, woke up, took a shower (only because it was hot), got bit by the dog while giving him medicine, and continued my tv marathon. I cursed myself when I finally figured out that the tv guide was translating What Not to Wear as No Te Lo Pongas (or something like that), and wondered how many episodes I had missed out on. I watched Desperate Housewives, and then got pissed that it was the same episode as the last one I saw in the States.

Sometime around 6pm on Sunday, I started to feel guilty. I had yet to crack open my book. I had yet to write in my journal. I had yet to really do much of anything at all. I started to feel like I was back on my purple couch in DePere, on any given weekend of the year. I felt like, man, this is great. This is totally fun. There is tv in English where I get to watch people getting tattoos, breaking up with their boyfriend, fighting with the judge on People's Court, doing all kids of crazy things. I get to eat popcorn with Reeses Pieces in it. I get to drink lots of soda. I ate an ice cream bar, and didnt even have to leave home to do it because the freezer in this house actually works. I had air conditioning (although, I swear it gives me the gripe). It was totally fun, totally indulgent, totally wonderful, and was making me totally sad.

I came here to Ecuador for a lot of different reasons. I was inspired by people who had done things like this before. I was tired of my clients and helping people who didnt want my help. I wanted to learn more Spanish. I missed Guatemala and wanted a repeat performance. I wanted to grow up. A big reason was that I wanted to get the fuck off of my couch, away from my limitless life and see how the "other half" lives. I mean that not in a patronizing kind of way...I mean, I didnt think I would be wearing loin-cloths and eating bugs (I dont know where that "half" lives...). But there is so much life outside the wonderful life that is possible (for those who have the means to get to it) in the States. I am speaking for myself when I say that my life in the States was great. I had all the things that "poor people" here in Ecuador want: a house made of concrete and brick that doesnt flood, a job where I made enough money to spend it on whatever I want, my own car, a gym membership, the ability to eat in just about any resturant I wanted, a Target store around the corner (okay, maybe they dont want that, but if they knew what Target was they would!). But I still wasnt satisfied. I was happy, yes, most of the time. But it still somehow wasnt enough.

As great as my trip to (sorta)America was, I was happy when it was over. It was a wonderful, much needed, and (I like to think) well deserved break. But it was just that, a break. And today when I was on the bus-- leaving the barrio after helping serve lunch and shooting the shit with the Mujeres, worried for my life because the driver wasnt paying attention to the road, heading towards the downtown and excited about the .40 cent empanada that awaited me--I felt so filled with happyness. Happyness with a "y" like in the movie, because it may not be perfect, but its just the way I want it to be.

I wonder what I will feel like when I go back to the States? I think its a problem with myself. Its like when I order a pizza, I feel the need to eat the ENTIRE pizza. When I have cable tv, I feel the need to watch it ALL THE TIME. I have got to find a way to live a life with privileges, yet not indulge myself completly in them. I want to move back to the States when my Peace Corps 2 years is done. I already think about my dream Masters Degree and my subsequent dream job. I have just got to learn to stay happY while I seek that Degree and that job, while living in a house that doesnt flood, has a freezer that works, a fridge with all kinds of food options, hot water and cable tv. My life here is not tough, I 'm not gonna lie. Its not easy either, and thats the damn truth. I like it here...but I still havent learned enough to believe that I will like it back there.

Paz Afuera,
Tere

Proximamente...

I swear to post soon, just not now. I am a little crabby right now, I dont like posting when I am crabby.

I have added a new portion to my blog. Its linked under Random Thoughts with Theresa. It includes...my random thoughts, of course! Check it out if you dig.

Also, rest in peace Ms. Anne Kok. Spirit lives forever, never forgotten.

Con Paz,
Theresa

New Year, New Me!

Haha, just kidding. I just wanted to use that blog title because it sounds like a tampon commercial so it makes me giggle. Also because I have no cohesive thought on which to write about, so brace yourselves...

So it is now 2008. Its still only January, but still, thats a pretty major milestone. I spent this past New Years Eve on the beach in Montañita...Thats the hippie beach where I stayed at the drug house in the past. This time I did not stay at a drug house, I stayed at some hostal where the owner was this nice old lady that looked and sounded scarily similar to Yoda from StarWars. Admittedly, I have only watched StarWars when I have been forced to do so, but still, I am pretty sure she and Yoda are related. She was a really nice lady though, and she was really decent with pricing (like if you shared a bed you only paid halfprice, which was super nice of her considering it was New Years and she coulda robbed us if she really wanted to). The place was called Hostal Amigo (I am pretty sure), so if you are ever in Montañita, you should check it out.

Basically my New Years Eve was the best one that I have had in recent memory. I mean that as no slam against my totally awesome, wildly loved friends back home and the many a New Years that we have spent together. I mean that more as a slam against myself. I think I always go into New Years with high hopes of some kind of New-Years-Goodness-Wonderful-Miracle. I think usually (shamefully) it includes meeting the man of my dreams, spending the whole night talking about politics, life, poverty and richness, and how good of a dresser Kanye West is (which would only come up because he would be dressed EXACTLY like Kanye...). And that is exactly what happened this New Years! Yeah, right, just kidding. That totally did not happen. In fact, nothing happened. I had a few drinks (literally a few, very few, not a good idea to get too drunk at the crazy hippie beach cuz there are lots of opportunists out there, you know), I danced my booty off, I watched some huge bonfires on the beach. I really have no idea when the clock struck 12. Everyone I was with set their own time on their cell phones, so we had a range of about 10 minutes going on; no one really knew EXACTLY when the New Year had come. And Lord knows that the locals didnt know. So 12 o'clock came and went, whenever that was, we drank some cheap champagne, and continued to dance on the beach. Nothing of note happened at all, and thats why it was great. Because I went in without expectations, so I couldnt come out disappointed.

Then I came back to site, and continued my gringo-fest-a-palooza at my home. When the last of my guests had left, I took a long sigh of relief and laid in my bed for several hours and started my finally-I'm-alone-to-read-and-nap-a-palooza. From then on I have no idea what happened, because thats basically what I do everyday...

Anyhow, when I finally did go back to work it was really hard. I went to a meeting at my office, and (strangely) was happy to be there! I had missed work! I had missed that office! I even made them rice crispy bars just so that I could see them smile! Then they started in with comments about my weight and questions on how I could have POSSIBLY gone to Montañita and still come out single, and I remembered why I dont like being there. Then there was some kind of an argument during the meeting, and I zoned out and further reminded myself why I hate the office. Later (or was it before?) I went out and saw the Mujeres. They said, "Tere! We are so glad you are here! We thought you went back to the States and didnt tell us! Oh, Tere, are you loosing more weight?" Rarr, no rest for the weary (or weightless. And, by the way, I have not lost more weight. They are just all going crazy and obsessed with weight in general).

I spoke with the President of the Mujeres about the art classes for the barrio kids. Her response was, "Sounds like a great idea. Of course you can use our space to do it, it is just as much your space as it is ours. Let me know what we can do to help." Have I mentioned that I love these ladies? I won the Peace Corps Lottery in finding this group. Then she said that several people in the area had been asking since Christmas about English classes. Rarr, love lost. I HATE teaching English. But I decided to set my personal feelings aside and do what my community was asking me to do. I supposed thats what I am here for...so I posted a sign about English class and said I would be back the next day.

Then I didnt go back for a week, because I was locked away in the office like Princess Rampuzel doing my stupid Peace Corps Work Report, and preparing a PowerPoint for Peace Corps training that I have coming up. I hate stupid Peace Corps mandatory work to proove that I am working (when really, doing that work only keeps me from actually WORKING!). When I returned, the lady at the lunch program scolded me, said that I cant just go saying that I will back the next day if I dont come back for a week because then everyone worries about me, and why doesnt she have my phone number to that she can call and check up on me? Aw, theres the love. Its back. I learned that many people had responded to my sign about the English classes. Schools are in vacations right now here, so kids have a lot of free time. Lots of families had come by with their teenagers to inquire about my classes. I was pumped! Maybe these classes wouldnt be so bad afterall? But then when we started classes, there were only TWO people in class that I know. The rest were teenagers and some adults that I have never seen before, dressed in some pretty nice looking clothes. I hate to make this a race thing or a money thing, but the two I knew were the only Afroecuadorians in the group, and nice clothes mean you have the money to buy them. Which means that you have the money to pay for school (lack of money for "public" school is a major reason that most kids here only stay in till they are about 12 years old), which means that you already know a bunch of English because you learn it in school. Which means that I reap just a little less joy from teaching you. I want to help people who really need my help. I want the kids from the barrio to come out, but I think they dont want to because they get intimidated by these other kids. I want, I want, I want. Problem is this is not about me, so I am going to go ahead and shut up about that one now.

Appearantly there was lots of demand for classes for little kids in the barrio, too. Yes! I said. Thats just what I was hoping, because I would love to start a little art class with them. Whats that? Oh, they want English class? (do you feel the love slipping again?). Compromise: Arte con Inglés. We will learn about the English words for the colors, shapes, and things we draw. Everyone seemed to agree that this was a good way to meet the demand the community was asking for and keep the kids occupied without getting bored from sitting through an English lesson (or is it me who gets bored...). Class starts on Thursday, I cant wait! Down side is that I dont have any specific person from the community to help me. I want to ask this one girl who I was expecting at my English class, but she wasnt there. Hopefully shes there this week. I asked one of the Prometores from my larger organization. I told her that I would like to do class out in her barrio (because we had talked about that before) as well as out with the Mujeres. Her response was that "you never know when its going to rain." Im sorry, what? Well, since its rainy season, it would be hard to do, beacause when it rains people dont leave the house. Well, that is true, because in the barrio its mud roads that get nasty in the rain. And in the city it seems that no one has thought to spend the non-rainy season repairing the roads so that they dont turn in to rivers when it rains. But I took it more like blah, blah, blah, excuses, excuses, excuses. And I am not gonna push her on it. I will let her know that I am starting out with the Mujeres, and that I am ready to go with her when she is. We will see.

Other good news for this new me in the new year? My organization has decided to sell the sewing machines! Clearly, that is not good news. In fact, when the discussion came up in a meeting, I felt like I had gotten hit in the tummy with a ton of bricks. Nooooo! Dont sell my machines! I have PLANS for those! I already told the barrio girls we would start a new project! Nooooo! But none of those words actually escaped my lips. Rather I sat there in silence and listened to them say that there was no need for the machines because no one here knows how to use them (what?!? This again? I thought we established that the problem is that we never asked!). But there is a facet of the organization that is based up in northern Ecuador, and there is a group of women there who have a project plan for the machines (for a small business) and who are prepared to pay $2000 for the machines. So again, this became less about me and what I want, and more about whats best in general. Whatsmore, although this was discussed in the meeting as a new item of discussion, I get the feeling that the decision was done. It seemed that everyone was on board, and I later found out that my direct counterpart had been working on a plan for the last week or so before the meeting to change the workshop into an office for the jovenes. Well, thanks for telling me, folks.

Speaking of jovenes, on to the bad news of the new year. Remember that post about that great group of kids that I work with? Who come to the charlas and dance class and enjoy themselves and are great, great, great? Well, they are not so great right now. I think not having meetings for two weeks and my not being there to get their asses into gear for a performance at a Christmas show did a number on the group morale. When we finally did have a meeting, not too many of the "regulars" showed up. I wanted to spend the time talking about goals for the new year. I really believe that with some training these kids could learn to give the charlas themselves, and give them to high schools and middle schools and their parents and stuff. I also really believe that with some more work we could be a really great dance group, and could be a regularly included act in programs that the bigger organization has. Well, once again, what I believe didnt really matter so much. Basically there were a lot of blank stares when asked about what they wanted to do, and not much response to learning the charlas to give them. And they decided that they no longer want to dance, but they do want (thats right, you guessed it) English classes! GAWD. How did I fall into this spiraling hole of an English class rut?? We did make plans for a Bingo fundraiser to save money to go on paseos (like field trips), so hopefully that will pan out. Hopefully they were just in a bad mood that day, I know I was after the meeting...

Lets end this on an up-note. Back to the sewing machines, because I never explained why it was good news. The day after (or was it two days?) the meeting where the sewing machines and all my good intentions were ripped from my hands and my silent mouth, I got a phone call. Did I ever mention that group of women who have a history with PC, but have never had a volunteer? Well, probably not much, because the story of Theresa and that group is one that puts a whole lot of sticky rice crispy guilt all over my spoon. I had gone out to see them once, and I cant say I had a good time. Problem is that, well...it was basically another case of what I want vs. what I am being asked to do. I thought they wanted to work with me to work on a sewing workshop, crafts, and charlas. When I went out to see them I was suddenly helping the President (who is the husband of the main-lady) with a soccer tournament for the barrio kids. And I did not like it one bit. He kind of yells a lot, I mean, its not like hes being mean...its sort of an Ecuadorian-Man kind of thing. Sometimes they just sorta bark orders, and I really dislike it. Generally, I just choose to remove myself from the situation, but when I was supposed to be out there to help with this soccer crap--there was nothing I could do but listen and respond. Then came the "but so-and-so always did it that way" part. Thats the thing about people who have worked with PCVs in the past. Basically they tend to think that we are all one person, reincarnated into different life forms, but still basically the same person. You didnt bring a camera? So-and-so always did. You dont like to play soccer? But so-and-so always did. You never ran a small business? But so-and-so did. You get the point. I AM NOT SO-AND-SO, and frankly, I dont really care what they did.

So yeah, I did the wrong thing and basically let contact just not happen. I got busy doing other things, and pushed back guilty thoughts about not following up with them. Then she called (she being the president's wife, the main-lady in the group). I saw the number on my phone and panicked. Do I pick up? Are they gonna yell at me? But doing my work report for Peace Corps was boring, and thats what I was doing at the time, so I answered the phone. She was totally nice about everything! Nothing accusatory, equally appologized for not having been in touch, and asked me to come out the next Monday and meet with the ladies regarding their sewing project! Yes! Sewing goodness raining down from the sky! I went out, talked with them, and was so relieved. I felt good being with the ladies, talking about how they want to learn about sewing with a pre-made pattern, about making patterns for things based on models they already have, about how they just want to learn about any crafty-goodness that they can do with their hands. I cannot even express how pumped I am to work with these ladies. Start tomorrow...the only problem is that I leaned that Ecuadorians tend to not know how to sew with a pattern because they are basically not sold here....yeahhh...not sure what I am gonna do tomorrow morning then, but I will figure something out. Always do, right?

So there you have it, theres the new year, new me, freedom from pads by using soft, comfortable tampons! Just kidding, but you know, theres the life update. More to come soon (and by soon I mean I hopefully wont take 3 weeks like I did last time...). Hope all is well with you all. Winter sounds like its sucking pretty bad this year in my homestate. If its any consolation, it rains every day here, so my clothes have to be hung to dry inside (which means they take more than 24 hours to dry! (Damn, guess that means I will just HAVE to stay home and read until they dry becuse there is NOTHING to wear...). Also, rain has resulted in what looks like grass in my front yard. Trouble is I dont have a yard...its cement. And the grassy looking stuff? Mold. Mmmm, I heart Ecuador.

Peace,
Theresa